Sunday, July 26, 2015

More Recent Posts to Katie and Nick on the AT

Day 105: Scars

I got the series of quick texts from Jim late this afternoon. They read:

Sneak into the auditorium
Hurry
Stay out of sight 

I knew why immediately. Ben was practicing for this weekend. 

I quickly ended my meeting with Cole Willard and ran out my office door. I snuck into the back of auditorium and sat down in the very last row…in the shadows. Ben was onstage practicing his teaching for "big church". Everything was set up like it always is for the weekends; the auditorium was dark…the lights were all aimed on the center of the stage…and the side video screens had Ben blown up to the size of a two-story house. I have to admit…it caught me in the throat.

The current sermon series is titled: Wrestling with God. Jim and Scott have asked Ben, Jesse DeYoung and Jordan Terrell to share the message for the next 3 weekends--telling the story of a certain Biblical character and how their lives relate. Ben was given Moses. Like I told you the other night on the phone, Katie, I knew what he was going to be talking about…and I know it's going to be hard sitting in that packed auditorium this weekend…but sitting in the dark this afternoon as Ben stood at that podium and spoke about his wrestling match with God…I got a glimpse of how hard…and how moving…this weekend is going to be. I'm so, so sorry you guys can't be here for it. I know you'll listen and watch it online when you get a chance.     

No one walks out of the home unscarred. 

There are no perfect parents and no perfect kids. I know you've heard me say that before. Even the best of home environments will leave wounds. I wish that wasn't true (especially this weekend), but it just is. And even though I can see Romans 8:28 ( "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.") being lived out in Ben's story…it still hurts to hear it…it hurts to know the damage from his past…and it hurts because it happened on my watch…while he was growing up…and I didn't have a clue. Neither Mom nor I had any idea of the struggles he was having. And if I let it…that'll spin me to a very dark place…where I think about what else I missed…what else got past me that hurts my kids…and I'm choked by guilt and regret. 

Katie, we had a long talk at the dinner table about this very thing shortly before you and Nick took to the trail in April. You opened up and shared with Mom and I about some of the damage you carry from the scars of growing up in our home. There were tears…and there were hugs…and there were apologies. I know we can't undo your past or Ben's. Still…it's hard to know the truth of the pain…and it's hard not to play "Monday Quarterback" with your lives--replaying in my head how I could have done things differently and done a better job at protecting you two. 

But I can't let my past mistakes as a father destroy me either. It's not healthy and it's just plain unbiblical.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Mom and I will trust that promise in Jesus. He will make all things new…and He will take all of the past junk…our mistakes…and the scars left behind…and heal them. And He'll use them to point others to Himself…which is going to happen this weekend when Ben takes the stage at Flatirons this weekend to share his scars…and the healing that only comes through Jesus.  

I wish you were going to be here in person to see it.

Love,
Dad


Day 106: No Writing


Day 107: Promised Land 

I blew it again. I missed another note to you yesterday. That's two now. Sorry. No excuse. I just fell asleep in my chair last night and when Mom woke me up…I jumped up (in that way you guys all make fun of)…and hurried straight to bed. It's the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I muttered, "Crap!" and Mom startled awake asking me what was wrong. When told her, "I forgot to write Katie and Nick last night" Mom said, "I forgot too.

Sorry again.  

The text and picture that you sent this afternoon was fun! (Below) 


Across the Mason-Dixon! Out of the south and into north! Keep it going! Tonight, I simply want to share with you this Bible verse from Joshua. It's found in Joshua 1:9, but it's something God tells Joshua (the leader who took over after Moses died) before he leads the Israelites across the Jordan River…and into the Promised Land. God tells Joshua:
   
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua had already crossed over into the Promised Land before…40 years earlier. Joshua, his buddy Caleb, and 10 other men…spies…snuck into Canaan 40 years before. The other 10 men told Moses (and the rest of Israel) that the land was terrifying and filled with giants. Only Joshua and Caleb said, "No big deal! We can take them!" And because of their fear and lack of faith…Israel spent the next 40 years traipsing around in the desert. So, God reminds Joshua that "the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 
I want to do the same for you. I couldn't help but think of you two…crossing over the Mason-Dixon Line today…into northern territory. I know you've already hears the stories of what lies ahead of you, but be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid or dismayed….the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. That's a promise to focus your hearts and minds on as you make your way to your promised land.     

Love,
Dad


Day 108: Proud 

I literally just hung up the phone with you, Katie, so I won't write much. Really, I wanted to reiterate what Mom and I told you before we hung up: we're so proud of you two. We're glad that you've stuck to your plan and that you're hiking your hearts out! I know it's hard to keep going when you have some of your friends that want to slow down…and rest…and only hike 1 mile a day. So we're proud of you for putting some distance between you and them.

The word "proud"…that's a difficult one for me to deal with.

I've used it or heard it spoken to me a lot tonight. As Mom and I told you, Ben did an amazing job at church tonight. (Link to message below) 


It was one of the best messages I've ever heard at Flatirons (and not because I'm his dad). After the 5PM and 6:45PM services, several people came up and said, "You must be proud" which I can only answer with, "Yes. Thanks." I am proud of Ben…and I'm proud of you two, but I struggle with the word "proud"…and the concept of pride. Pride is one of the biggest problems we can have in life; in a life with God...and with others. Pride is selfish and destructive and hurtful. Proverbs 16:18 reads:

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

So, as I think about the pride I feel for my kids tonight…I'm proud. Meaning I'm thankful and grateful for the way each of my kids (Ben, Ali, Katie and Nick) is doing life right now. I'm amazed and thankful for the way Ben shared his heart tonight…and the way you two are living out your determination to finish this hike. But proud? Pride seems to indicate a sense of ownership or selfish reflection on yourself. Not for me. Tonight, at church, was all God and Ben. And you two staying focused on your goal…is all God and Katie and Nick. Nothing to do with Mom or I.    

I know it's just semantics, but that's what has my brain swirling tonight. Yet I am going to sleep well tonight knowing that the God of the everything has all of my kids within His grasp…and that He's proud of you too.

Love,
Dad


Day 109: Ways of Your Heart 

One of the biggest surprises of your thru-hike on the Appalachian Trail has been all the people who are genuinely interested in your journey and the folks who contact us and ask us how you're doing. It's a real testament to the adventure it stirs in people's hearts. This note was different though…it wasn't a friend or someone in the family…or an old classmate from our past. I found this email buried in the onslaught in my inbox from the weekend. Mom and I had to stop a couple of places on the way home from church…and while she was inside at one…I scrolled through my growing pile of emails. The title on this one looked so much like the many I receive in my inbox. It read: Thank You for the Connection. I opened it and found this:   

"On a short hike on the AT this spring, we met a very nice young couple, then named Nick and Katie. Later, we often ran into, and occasionally hiked, with Sunshine and Breeze.  I have a rule that if I hike with 3 days or camp with you 3 nights, you are part of my family.  They far exceeded that rule.  We enjoyed them so much and daily wonder where they are, how are they doing?  Thank you for your blog as I learn a bit on their status."

I sat in the car and smiled like an idiot as I read the email…especially the part about how you two "far exceeded" the rule of trail family. It didn't surprise me in the least. From the stories you tell…and by my own witness out on the trail in Virginia…you both have made an impression on the people you've come across. Reading that email only verified a known fact.

You may never know the true impact you've had on the many hikers you've met on the AT, but know that these two…who are part of your trail family…are thinking of you and caring for you. As David wrote in his email:      

"If you talk to them, tell them Old Drum and Ivanna Sherpa are doing well and preparing for our pilgrimage in Spain, El Camino de Santiago (The Way of St. James).  Tell them we have postponed our start to September 1, on the advice of Bob Peoples.  I have also changed my planned hike of the entire AT in my 70's to next year.

Mom and I have heard about Old Drum and Ivanna Sherpa from the beginnings of your hike. They have made an indelible impression on you and (as you can read) you on them. 

Old Drum. I love that trail name. Being old gives you perspective…it gives you an earned wisdom. It's usually us old ones who are able to look at the lives of those younger than us and encourage the enjoyment of youth….because it ends too quickly. Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 11:9: 

"You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see…"

I will respond to Old Drum and give him a heads up on what you're doing and where you are. I'm sure he will be as excited and encouraged by your stays as we are. In the meantime, keep hiking…be happy…and follow the ways of your heart.

Love,
Dad


Day 110: The Impossible Made Possible  

I sure hope you're both able to hear the message Ben this weekend. Soon…if you haven't listened to it already. It had a lot of impact…and I think God will continue to use and use and use his words. 

As I already wrote you…it was very hard to hear a lot of his story. But to hear…person after person…tell me the impact Ben's message had on them…and to read the emails coming in; God is taking Ben's struggles and doing great things (Romans 8:28). 

And all of this I'm writing about…that's just Me! There's no telling how Ben's email box is blowing up after this weekend! 

But as hard as it was to sit in that auditorium and listen to Ben share his pain and struggle (in all 4 services!)…that's not what I'm taking away from the weekend. I have to put Ben's struggles where they belong: in the past…and in God's hands. My biggest takeaway from the weekend is this: I had the beautiful, and amazing, experience of having my son lead me…to speak into an area of my life that I have needed to deal with for some time. 

At the end of Ben's message he prayed…and he asked people if there was something they needed God to fix in their lives…something that has been hindering their relationship with Him…to make a baby step forward…a tiny, almost imperceptible step…signifying to God (and yourself) that you were "showing up". That you needed God to do a miracle in your life. Like the example Ben gave of Moses…standing on the shores of the Red Sea…with the Egyptian hordes raging at his heels…waiting for God to do the impossible…Ben urged people this weekend to make a baby step forward…asking God to show up and split their personal Red Sea. And I did. I stepped forward.  

It was powerful. 

In that moment Ben wasn't my son…and the husband of Ali…the father of those beautiful babies; Em and Micah. In that moment…Ben was my pastor…shepherding me to a place where God waits for me. I was convicted. I've been struggling with God for some time now…trying to place my finger on the source of my anger and frustration. It's deep. And it's been there for awhile.

So today…I emailed my core group of men…my small group. I asked them if they would meet me at 3PM on Wednesday…to join me on the shores of my Red Sea. Each of them, to a man, agreed to be there. They're going to be there where I am going to beg for God to show up and split my sea. To do what I think is impossible. And just like Ben shared this weekend…I believe this for everyone, but me. I believe this for you out there on the trail. I believe this for Mom and for Ben and Ali and Emery and Micah. I believe this for everyone that I pastor and lead. 

I need to believe this is for me too now…and I'll stand on this shore waiting for Wednesday…focusing my heart and mind on one of the key verses from Ben's message:

"…'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" (Matthew 19:26)

Love,
Dad


Day 111:  The Weight of it All  

"Weighty". 

That's the adjective I've been using a lot over the last couple days. 

Weighty

Some things are just weightier…heavier…and filled with more intensity than others. Weighty is how I've been describing this past weekend, and how it felt to have Ben teaching on the main stage and sharing his story. It was weighty. I mean, it was good…and beautiful…and difficult…and inspiring…and painful. It was all of those…and more. It was weighty

And today? It was weighty too.  

It actually started last night with a difficult text from an old friend from Texas. Mom received the text via a personal note on Facebook. This friend from Texas had listened to Ben's talk online and it stirred up a lot of hurt and pain from his family's past. The text was hard to read and process. Mom responded to it and asked our friend to call me…which he did today. We talked on the phone for awhile as he unraveled an ugly mess of a story that was rooted in their past…and had (only recently) come to light. It caused great pain to his family and children. My stomach turned as he shared how this past hurt…had caused ripples of anger, depression and hopelessness in his family…Ben's talk this weekend had a profound effect on our friend. He contacted us to let us know of what they've been walking through over the last several months…and how Ben's message this weekend gave him great hope. Listening to our friend, I was a jumble of emotion; I was heartbroken and angry and sad and grateful. Grateful for what God is doing through Ben and his story. 

It had been years since I talked to this old friend and today's conversation was difficult…and healing…and painful…and hopeful. It was all those things and more. It was weighty

I know you know what I'm writing about. It's how I would describe my visit to you guys last month in Virginia. It was wonderful…and emotional…and difficult…and pointed…and beautiful. It was weighty. I don't think I can take it if everyday's going to be weighty. I need some "light-y" days too. I need days when there is air and space between the moments…when joy and rest shadow the waking hours…and sleep is sound and healing. It's hard to take the weight of it all when the world is heavy and the burdens of life make my legs buckle. One of the little tricks I do…when the weight of it all starts to overtake me…is think of you two…out on the trail…sharing the experience of a lifetime. 

When I do that…things just seem lighter. Thank you.     

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."    Ezekiel 36:26

Love,
Dad


Day 112: Good   

Today was good day. Still weighty, but good.

Katie, your phone call this morning started the day off in a good way.
Hearing you…listening to your voice…the renewed energy and determination to stay on task made it good.
Knowing that Nick has a new spreadsheet made with all the miles you need to hike each day to guarantee you end on September 25th made it good.
Nick, the two new videos you posted of weeks 5 & 6 and 7-9 made it good. (Links to videos below)




Seeing your smiling faces…and the beautiful landscapes…and your friends...and the cute little ponies made it good.
Finding a new song to download (the one in the Week 5 & 6) made today good too. 

It was a good day.

And it stayed good…even as I stood in a room with a bunch of strong men and dealt with my struggle; the distance I've been feeling with God. Talk about weighty! It was frustrating at first…and difficult…and, then, by the end…it was freeing. All I can say is that the Bible verse I left you with yesterday has even deeper meaning for me tonight than it did last night, so I'll send it again:

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."    Ezekiel 36:26
There's probably lots of reasons why…some I've been able to put my finger on…but over the last few months I've become aware that my heart had grown like stone toward God. I recognized that I had some deeply buried anger and resentment towards God. For some time now. Some since childhood…and a lot from the struggles we endured in our 20+ years in Texas. All the personal…the professional…and the financial struggles…things that God allowed to happen…that He let pass through HIs hands and into our life…things that I've been angry about and holding against Him. I've been doing this even after all the amazing blessings He's dumped in our lap up here in Colorado. I don't know why I did that…all I know now is that I've learned the hard lesson that you can't…and shouldn't…hide your feelings from God. You've got to deal with them…all of them…including the anger and (what felt like) betrayal. So I did what Ben said I needed to do this weekend…I showed up at the seashore and asked the God to split the ocean between us. I can't explain what happened today, other than to say, I went into a room with a group of strong men…feeling nothing…doubting that my Red Sea was going to part…and I walked out feeling like I have a new heart…and a new spirit.   

It took less than 2 hours…and it was good.

Love,
Dad


Day 113: Coincidences    

There are no coincidences in God's world. 

If I know…and have experienced anything in life…there are no coincidences in God's world. Nothing random. There's always order and direction…even when it doesn't look like it at first. I'm not saying that every little thing…all the minutia of life…is all linked together…or maybe I am. Anyway, this is on my mind because of our visit to the hospital today. 

Mom had to have a procedure this afternoon. Let's just say in rhymes with rolonoscopy. Due to the fact that the doctor was going to put Mom into twilight sleep, I needed to stay and wait until after the procedure and she was awake. Mom and I walked into the waiting room together and…as we tried to find a seat…I recognized a familiar face. It was Michelle from church. She looked up at us and I could see concern written in her eyes. We said hello and learned that Michelle's husband, Steve, was having the same procedure. As we were standing in the waiting room talking, a nurse opened the door and called out, "Amy". Mom followed her…the door closed behind her….and I turned to Michelle and asked, "Can I wait with you?

Now, I see Michelle every week. You both know her. She's a dynamo! She leads the Guest Services at Flatirons. But sitting with her today…it was different. We were just two friends sitting in the waiting room of the hospital while our spouses got "rolonoscopies". As Michelle and I talked, her concern and love for Steve bubbled up and filled her eyes with tears. So, as we sat there…we prayed…and asked God for good answers to tests…and healing…and peace….His peace that passes all understanding:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."   (Philippians 4:7)

And it was no coincidence. No coincidence that Steve and Michelle and Mom and I were at the hospital at the same time…and that Michelle was in need of a friend…someone to sit with her and remind her that no matter what happens in the future…it's in God's hands. 

I don't know what you two have been dealing with over the last few days, but I'm sure you are seeing the same thing you've seen since you started; chance meetings…unforeseen trail magic…acts of kindness and encouragement…just when you need it. You know that's no coincidence. That's just the way God works in the moment…almost imperceptibly…until the moment is gone…when you're able to see His hand on everything!

Always remember…His hand is on you…and that's no coincidence.
        
Love,
Dad


Day 114: Angels Everywhere    

"I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this right now, but..."

That's what Mom said as we got in the car to leave the Flatirons On Tap re-launch we hosted tonight. It was a very long day and I was completely spent. I asked Mom what was the problem and she said, "Katie's sick again." Mom quickly filled me in and told me you (Katie) were sick and dealing with the same stuff you were struggling with a few weeks ago; headaches, vomiting and diarrhea. My heart sank. Then Mom said, "They're at a hostel and the lady that owns it just had cervical cancer surgery today. But she left the keys to her van so that Nick could drive Katie into town to the doctor tomorrow."

I don't know what to say or write other than…God is good. I am continually amazed at the way you have been cared for out there on the trail. Your trail magic is awe-inspiring. 

So, please get to the doctor…get the care you need…get better…get back on the trail…and never forget the kindnesses you've been shown on your big adventure. 

There are angels everywhere. 

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." (Hebrews 13:2)
Love,
Dad


Day 115: God Working in Us

I know. It's easy to make Mom cry. I mean, she's cries at TV commercials involving puppies and old people. But when she called me today as I drove home from our Afghanistan Mission Team workday…I got choked up too.

I will admit…it's been a little difficult believing in the goodness of humankind lately. The most recent hit was the shooter in Lafayette, LA who gunned down a bunch of people at a movie theater--something that has become almost commonplace. It seems like we're in a spiral as a society…devolving to the point of hopelessness. And then…there are your stories from the trail….uplifting stories of acts of kindness and the inherit good that God plants into the hearts of each of us. 

So, Mary (the owner of the hostel) had to stay another day in the hospital and couldn't get you the keys to her van, right? Mom filled me in on the details as I drove home from Lakewood this afternoon, but let me see if I got this right: Mary the Hostel Owner was kept in the hospital…as she battles cervical cancer…and wasn't able to get you her van keys. And because you couldn't use her van to drive to the Doc-In-The-Box…you went to the laundromat to get your laundry done. Mom told me you met a nice couple who is step-hiking the AT. I guess the four of you really hit it off. He's a pastor of some sort? Right? Anyway, Mom said that they were finished with this leg of their step-hike and were heading home…but before they left…the wife hugged Katie…then shook her hand and said, "This is to help with your medical expense" and left you holding a $100 dollar bill.

That's makes me get choked up. 

As Mom bubble red that story to me on the phone…it started a brief conversation…or observation, really. Mom said, "See? There's still people like that out there." I agreed and ranted for a bit about the pervasive glut of TV news…the need to fill 24 hrs of endless news…and the possibility of all that perpetuating more and more psychos trying to make a name for themselves. Then…after releasing that…like a pressure valve...I said, "Yeah…there's still lots a people out there like that…you just don't hear about it." And it's true. Good news makes for lousy ratings. Then I told Mom, "The bottom line is this…it's all about Jesus. Only Jesus makes the difference in the world…and we're able to see this more and more." I told Mom I think this is a wake up call. The church has gotten it wrong for some time now…for years…and we were part of it; the belief that every human has it in them to "do right"…the deep-down goodness to be good. The truth is…only Jesus make us good…and left to our own…we shoot each other in theaters and sleep around like alley cats and selfishly pursue any (and every) lustful desire. Only Jesus helps us act like we're called to act:

"…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."   (Philippians 2:13)
    
And with Jesus working in us…good things happen…and we treat others like we want to be treated…and when we see a need…we act and try to fulfill that need…and sometimes that includes slipping a $100 dollar bill into a sick young lady's hand…because you want her to remember that Jesus is alive and well in the hearts of His followers.

Don't forget that.

Love,
Dad

Saturday, July 18, 2015

The Journey Continues: My Most Recent Notes to Katie and Nick

Day 96: Tourists      

Okay. So Mom's finally gotten me to watch "Parks and Recreation" on Netflix. She knew I was tapped out on the whole "mockumentary" format in films and TV, but she was persistent…and I gave in. I'm still tired of all the actors constantly eyeing the camera with ironic smiles, but I will admit…I'm enjoying it…especially Andy. I guess the thing that has surprised me the most is the little gems of wisdom they pepper throughout the show. Just when I think the entire show is going to be senseless farce…a character says something profound. 

The other night the episode we were watching included a storyline where Amy Poehler's character, Leslie, is dating…what seems to be…the perfect guy, Justin. Leslie sits down at a party and talks with her boss Ron Swanson (who cracks me up!) about how there's something about Justin that bothers her…but she can't put her finger on it. Ron insightfully says:   

"He's a tourist. He vacations in peoples' lives, takes pictures, puts them in a scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories."
I thought that was great! And I immediately thought of you two. I love that you're NOT tourists. I love that you're making your own story…taking your own pictures…and moving through life together. I also realize that I have to be careful…that I have to make sure I'm not a tourist in your life…only interested in this amazing story you two are writing together. I have to consistently step back…tell myself, "This is their story, not yours" and hold on to it loosely. There's this great quote from Corrie Ten Boom where she said: "I've learned that we must hold everything loosely, because when I grip it tightly, it hurts when the Father pries my fingers loose and takes it from me!"

Still, I will continue to write you both and send a note (hopefully) of encouragement to you…and your daily Bible verse. Today's has more to do with the way Mom and I feel…knowing that Katie is feeling much better…and that God continues to send trail magic your way:

"Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..."   Psalm 103:2-4 

And as you continue on your trek north…I will try not to be a tourist…and hold on to you loosely…knowing that you are in the grip of perfect love.

Love,
Dad


Day 97: Those He Loves

We've been able to talk so much over the last couple of days, Katie...and Mom and I are so glad you're on the mend...eating, resting and charging up for what's ahead. Because  we've spoken on the phone multiple times since Sunday...I will simply send you both this verse from Psalm 127:2. No matter what we do...and how hard we work...a life without God in the center is in vain. But when we live in relationship with Him...he gives us rest. 

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves."

I hope you know that you are both included in those God loves...and that He's really blessed you with food and rest over the last few days...and that as you set off in the morning to continue your hike north...God will continue to grant you sleep (and rest) as you rise early, stay up late and toil on the Appalachian Trail.

Love,
Dad


Day 98: Them

I feel lame only writing these few lines, but it's been a very long day and I'm about to crash. I just want you both to know that you've been on my mind all day...and I don't want to go to sleep without writing you something...without sending you a note and a Bible verse. As you read this verse below...I want you to fill in the blank on who (or what) "them" is for you. Deuteronomy 31:6 reads:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  

Only you two know who "them" is...what you're worried about...or what you're afraid of right now. But be strong. You can be sure that God is going with you...and He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. 

Stay strong and courageous! 

Love,
Dad


Day 99: Praise       

The longest I've ever lived outdoors was 12 days. 

And while those 12 days back in 2006...when Ben and I hiked the Georgia section of the Appalachian Trail...were a lot of fun, I never got used to living outside. I think I adapted pretty quickly to what life on the trail had to offer, but I never got totally comfortable with it. 

And we were only out there for 12 days. 

I remember sleeping in a real bed for the first time after Ben and I finished our AT hike. Uncle Doug had picked us up and taken us back to their house where Ben and I showered and cleaned up and went immediately to bed. Laying in the dark that night, the bedroom I slept in felt enormous. I guess I'd grown accustomed to that tiny, little tent we slept in for almost 2 weeks. The expanse of the bedroom that night was overwhelming.

Recalling all that makes me wonder about you two, though. What are you going to experience when you come off the trail? What's going to be weird, overwhelming and strange for you after living in the woods for 100+ days? I mean, I can't help but wonder what you'll experience when step out of the wild and back into civilization. If I think about it too much…I start asking you questions in my head. Questions like: 

"Are you tired of sleeping on the ground in a 4' x 7' nylon sack? 
Are your taste buds numb to the steady diet of pre-packaged breakfast bars, fruit snacks and pasta? 
Aren't you dying to take a long, hot shower…every night…instead of every other week or so? 
Have you REALLY gotten used to pooping in the woods? 
Do you ever need a break from each other?"

…and so on.  

But then, I think about the flip-side…about what you're experiencing right now in the wild…and all the great stuff about living so close to nature. When I do…I'm reminded of Psalm 148…one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It's a song to God…where everything on earth gives Him praise:

"Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights above.

Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his heavenly hosts.

Praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars.

Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies.

Let them praise the name of the Lord, for at his command they were created, and he established them for ever and ever—he issued a decree that will never pass away.

Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds, kings of the earth and all nations, you princes and all rulers on earth, young men and women, old men and children.

Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens."  (Psalm 148:1-13)

When I read this…I see you in the midst of those words; under the sun, moon and shiny stars…amongst the mountains and hills…with the wild animals and small creatures and flying birds…traveling with the young men and women…walking north to Maine…surrounded and engulfed in the praise of God. 

Love,
Dad


Day 100: One Hundred       

I guess it's all relative whether the number one hundred sounds like a lot or not. Walt Disney knew that "A Hundred and One Dalmatians" is a lot of dogs, thus the title….Comedian Bob Hope, writer Herman Wouk and senator Strom Thurmond all lived to be a 100 years old…and some guy from Hawaii claims he's surfed the largest wave…at 100 feet high. All of those make the number 100 sound like a lot!

And when I look at the top of this email and see that you've been hiking now for 100 days…that not only SOUNDS like a lot…it sure feels like a lot too! Even though I got to see you both a couple of weeks back in Virginia…which helps…Mom didn't, and I think she's really starting to feel the reality of the deep-seated length of your hike.

Still, we were talking to Jim and Robin at dinner tonight and Robin was amazed at how much you've already done. I came home and Googled "How many steps in a mile?" and Google told me, "2,000 steps." The average person's stride is 2.5 feet long…making it a little over 2,000 steps per mile. That means…if I did my math right (which is always suspect)…you have walked around 1,914,000 steps….in 100 days. Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu is attributed with the quote: "A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." And boy-howdy those steps really add up! 

You knew from the start of this journey how much you were going to be walking. It's just startling to read it all in black and white. In Deuteronomy 5:33 Moses is talking to the Israelites about what God has commanded from Mt. Sinai. He tells them:

"You shall walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you shall possess."
Trust me, I'm not bending scripture to say something it's not. I know that Deuteronomy 5:33 was a command from God (through Moses) to His chosen people…a specific direction…to a specific people…at a specific time. But that doesn't mean we can't look at this and see…and maybe even pray…for the same kind of promise made to the the nation  of Israel. And it doesn't mean I can't look at that sentence and pray the same for you; that you will walk in all the way as God has commanded you to along the AT...and that all may go well with you…and that you will live (deeply, full of life) in that land you are possessing…as you have for 100 days…and how many more it will take to get to Maine.   

Love,
Dad


Day 101: Begin Doing      

If you could name one person as your hero…who would it be? 

That's the assignment a group of us in small group were given. We have to write a couple of paragraphs why this person is our hero. We were given some perimeters like, our hero can be living or dead…historical or personal…and we can't say "Jesus" because that's too easy. I'm still trying to decide between Abraham Lincoln or Walt Disney. 

Whether we like it or not, Walt Disney has probably had the most profound influence on American culture to date. I was a fan of his back in my pre-teen years (long before all the rumors about Walt's anti-Semitism and racism). All I knew was that Ol' Walt grew up in the midwest…had a creative idea or two…and created a lasting dynasty of imagination and creativity. He was a man who stuck to his artistic (and business) convictions and succeeded. I recently read this quote from Walt Disney in a book Jim gave me on manhood: 

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Simple and to the point, isn't it? And I immediately thought of you two. Lots of people talk about getting started at doing something crazy and brave and risky…but never, never follow through. They never even begin. You guys did! When you first told us about this thru-hike a year ago…I thought it was a cool idea, but wondered if you would ever follow through on it. Now…here I am…sitting at my computer typing my 100+ note to you…amazed and humbled (and a little jealous) at your bravery and tenacity. It's an inspiration to me (and others) to quit talking and begin doing!

We're trying not to worry, but Mom and I haven't heard from you in several days. We're hoping and praying you're both healthy and hiking your hearts out. I'll leave you with this verse from Isaiah 40:29 as a brief reminder of where to turn when you feel like this adventure is becoming too much or not worth it:

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."   

Love,
Dad
p.s. It's not lost on me that I quoted Disney on Day 101…"101 Dalmatians"!


Day 102: Roller Coaster      

"Hello! I have had decent service today. We are about to hit 1,000 miles!!! We are doing the Roller Coaster today. 13.5 miles of about 10 different 700 ft. Mountains back to back :( and then we are doing 20 miles into Harper's Ferry tomorrow!!! Finally getting the eff out of Virginia!"

Mom and I went to bed last night wondering; wondering (Katie) if you were still sick…wondering if you two were still on a good pace to regain some of the miles you lost through southern VA…and wondering if you were kidnapped (or worse) in the backwoods. Sorry. It's just true. That's just what happens when we go for days without hearing anything. 

So, thanks for sending that text today! Perfect timing!

You would think I'd be used to this rhythm on our correspondence after 102 days, but I'm not. We talk or text and get our bearings…knowing where you both are and how you're doing…then we go for days of silence wondering...how you are and what you're doing. After more than 4-5 days…the questions and doubts seep in…sending me to dark places…and just when it almost overtakes me…a text or phone call from you... and all is good again. 

Would I be doing this if you guys had just moved to the east coast? Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that it's a roller coaster of emotion--filled with worry and joy and fear and hope. Up one day…and down after 4 or 5 days. When I read your text about the Roller Coaster that you were going to hike today….all I could think about was a different roller coaster…the one Mom and I have been on since you started in April. Please! Don't even think twice about us. We're fine. I think it's just part of being a parent…even when your kids are grown…out of the house…living their own lives…and doing phenomenal things like thru-hiking the AT…you will still worry. There's this little verse in Psalms that reads:

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you."   Psalm 56:3

I try to do that. I really do. But I guess my faith is on a roller coaster too. There are days when I think, "No matter what happens, God's in control and will do what is best." The top of the roller coaster. Then, the days come when fear and doubt seep in…and I begin to think God isn't going to take care of things like He should…and I'm plunged, headlong, down a hill of questions…asking myself if God can REALLY be trusted with the people I love…and then the coaster of my heart begins the clickety-clack journey back uphill…where faith and trust seem so clear.

I really DO trust God. I trust that He will always see us through any storm that comes our way. But I also know that sometimes…He allows some really, really hard stuff to pass into our lives…sending us on the roller coaster.  

Love,
Dad


Day 103: Halfway      

"Believe you can and you're halfway there."   Theodore Roosevelt

I knew it was good the moment you spoke on the phone tonight, Katie. I could hear it in your voice. And before I could turn my phone to speaker mode (for Mom's benefit) you said, "We're finally out of Virginia!" Yes! Halfway there! 

As Mom and I listened to your stories, the joy and pride of accomplishment were evident in your every word. I know that tomorrow you'll pick back up and begin the task of taking on the second half, but I hope you'll bathe a little in this victory.  Getting your halfway picture (Below) taken at the Appalachian Trail Headquarters in the morning should help. That should be a lot of fun…and maybe prepare you for the hard part of tomorrow: Saying good bye to Savage. 


It's sad to think that you'll be parting ways with Savage. He's been with you for 2 months and now…he has to head home because the chasm between his dream of finishing off the AT…and the reality of his life and finances...was too wide to bridge. I know it's going to be hard tomorrow…and I can almost guarantee…Savage is going to tell you, in his thick Tennessee accent, "Finish this off…for me." Then, like so many other hikers that you began this journey with in April…he'll hop on that train for Washington, DC and head for home…forever wishing he'd been able to stick with it. 

It's hard to hike that trail. You know this better than I could ever understand. You've been reading all those shelter journals…filled with entries from hikers who were quitting or had to quit. Some quit for physical reasons…some for personal…and some just couldn't take it any longer. Maybe it was the boredom induced by the 550.3 miles of trail in Virginia alone…or maybe they really, really missed home…or maybe (and I know this is easy for me to say and write)…maybe they just didn't have the inner strength, determination and chutzpah to finish it off. 

And that's why you need to celebrate a little tomorrow…before strapping your packs back on and getting back to business. Celebrate this great accomplishment.  You've hiked the AT halfway! Celebrate the strength and determination you both have that got you from Springer Mountain, GA to Harpers Ferry, WV! Celebrate what's ahead…the good days, the bad, the tough days, the easy ones. Celebrate it all, then get back on the trail…one foot in front of the other…each step closer and closer to your final goal: Maine! 

And don't forget to celebrate the One who has carried you this far…and the only One able to carry you to the end.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."  Psalm 121:1-2

But celebrate with a humble heart…knowing there are others who never had the chance to experience the  joy you're feeling…and the hope you have of an ultimate celebration on Mt. Katahdin. And one of them begins a lonely journey back home tomorrow. Please give my best to Savage. I will be praying for him.

Love,
Dad


Day 104: Bearing Burdens      

I know you had to say good bye to your hiking buddy Savage today. I'm sure it was hard. Good byes are never fun. You were on my mind all day…you, your hiking buddy…and my first hiking buddy.

His name is Tim and he's was the only reason I ever made it through my first real hike. I was in 5th or 6th grade and I had joined the Boy Scouts…only because Uncle Dave did. I really didn't know anyone in the scout troop other than Uncle Dave and Tim--and they were 2 and 4 years older than me, respectively. Most of that scout troop was older than me. I always felt out of place in our meetings, so I was so glad that Uncle Dave was going on the weekend hiking trip our troop was making in the Allegheny Mountains. Uncle Dave was there in the weeks prior as we prepped and readied ourselves for the big hike. He was there on our last meeting before the big weekend where we sat in an old gymnasium and made gorp--a mix of peanuts, raisins and M&Ms. Yeah, Uncle Dave was there…right up until the night before…when he snagged a Saturday job that paid. Then, it was just me…or so I thought. 

Nana and Papa dropped me off at the school where the scout troop loaded up and headed off for Pennsylvania. My stomach was in knots. I didn't have the right hiking boots (I wore a pair of those felt-lined snow boots)…my pack was too big…and I didn't have Uncle Dave with me. I was alone.  

And in stepped Tim. Tim was our minister's son. I had known Tim since he and his family moved to town when I was going into first grade. His sister was the little girl I wrote about earlier on your trip…the one who I witnessed crying on the first day of school and how it wrecked me. Tim was always friendly with me, but he was so much older and had his own buddies in our troop. As we started that hike I was immediately bringing up the rear…slipping in and out of those snow boots…struggling with my Boy Scout backpack…and regretting ever joining the scouts. And just when I wanted to give up…Tim came to the back of the trail and joined me and asked, "Hey Danny Boy. You okay?" I didn't care that he called me Danny (which I hated). Tim's ruddy cheeks and wide smile were such a welcome sight. He helped me re-cinch my pack…and didn't leave my side for the rest of the weekend. That night Tim introduced me to Kraft Mac & Cheese Al Dente around the campfire…and took (what was sure to be) the hike from Hell…and made it one of my favorite childhood memories. 

Tim didn't have to do that. He could have stayed at the front of the pack…hanging with his friends. Instead, he did what Jesus would do; he eased someone's struggle. I will never forget that. It's one of the first, real examples of what "Jesus in the flesh" looks like.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2 
That weekend Tim came alongside me, eased my struggle and bore my burden…encouraging me…prodding me…and at times, literally pushing me up those Allegheny hills. He fulfilled the law of Christ by loving his neighbor (chubby, little me…unprepared for the Boy Scout Hike) as himself. 

I will never forget Tim Hanze. I know there are many, many more like me who feel the same way. I know his family knows the impact Tim's had on so many lives…people from his childhood (like me) to the thousands he's pastored in Ohio and Tennessee. It's especially important for them to know this now. I got a quick text this afternoon from Uncle Dave informing me that Tim's battle with cancer is almost over. His family has been called to his side to say their last good byes. Tim's about to meet…face-to-face…the One he represented so well…the One who is sure to say, 

"Well done, good and faithful servant."  (Matthew 25:21) 

Love,

Dad

(Tim Hanze passed away the next day--July 15, 2015. He was a true example of what Jesus in the flesh is like.)

Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Journey Continues: More Posts to My AT Hikers

Day 84: Strong

It was a whirlwind, but I'm back home. I will admit…it was equally great to see you…and hard. 

I have missed your faces. Seeing you as I pulled up to the Middle Creek Camp Ground Saturday in my rental car was wonderful. Katie, you never looked so beautiful…even on your wedding day. The last 3 months have been the longest we've been apart, so see ing you smiling face (freshly scrubbed) face was like nothing I've ever experienced before. Even when Ben was in college, I think the longest we were separated was 2 1/2 months. I just sorry Mom wasn't there to join me. 

Hiking with you was great…and exhausting. As I told you, I've "let myself go" so that…when I start this Crossfit thing…I can get a real sense of going from zero to…whatever. To see if this exercise routine REALLY transforms your body. But…it was a killer hiking that mountain with you. Forget the fact that it was "Hike Naked Day"…and we passed a naked guy (twice) in his birthday suit…it would have been difficult anyway. 

I loved being able to spend time with you. And I enjoyed meeting some of your "Trail Family", but in the end…I will stick to my guns. It's great having friends out there on the AT, but don't let them hijack your dreams. You two worked…and planned…and prepared to FINISH this trail. All of it. From Georgia to Maine. Everyone back here…back home…is rooting for you…hoping for you…praying for you…to finish. As I told before I left you in that valley on Monday…stay true to YOUR goals and dreams. Your trail family doesn't have the same goals. It was obvious to me…most of them are on the trail to enjoy life and have a fling. Finishing the Appalachian Trail is inconsequential to that. 

"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man."  Proverbs 24:33-24

I remember reading this section of Proverbs when I was a lazy, unmotivated middle schooler--who couldn't see the value of hard work and a job well done. I walked through some tough stuff after getting my first couple of jobs in the 8th and 9th grade. I even got fired from a job as a janitor at a little factory for doing the job poorly. It was hard, but I quickly learned that hard work…and sticking it out turning the times you want to give up…are worth it! I sneezed…in some of your Trail Family…"a little slumber, a little folding of hands to rest"…and, in the end, a thief will rob them of finishing the AT. 

Don't let it rob you. 

It's great to have people to lean on…and rely on…when times get hard, but if they have different goals than you…in the end…you will regret EVER relying on them. The great thing is this: you have each other. You have the same dreams, desires and goals. Use each other to spur the other along…use YOUR strength to encourage each other…and not let the weakness of others to rob you of your dreams. We did the math together around the campfire Sunday night: An average of 15 miles a day. You can do this! 15 miles a day is all that stands between success and failure. It all depends on what you're going to rely on…the strength in you…or the weakness of others. 

I KNOW you've strong enough. I pray that you'll KNOW this too.   

Love,
Dad    


Day 85: Strength 

I can't quit thinking about you two out there on the AT, now that I'm back. Our brief meet up and hike has me concerned and hopeful and conflicted. I know we had some tough talks and discussion about your progress on the trail…and my concern that you're falling behind on your goal to finish. Sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight back to Denver from Washington, DC, it was so good to get Katie's text. I read it…and re-read it…and got all self-conscience as I fought back the tears sitting amongst all those other travelers waiting for their planes. Since I've been back home, I've continued to re-read these words from her text:

"We did our 15 miles today! Today was by far the hardest day I've had on the trail mentally. I was using you as my motivation though. Thank you for always being so honest and giving me tough love. It was hard to have you look me in the eye and tell me we weren't going to finish this thing if we keep doing what we are doing. But it was exactly what I needed to hear."

As I hiked back to the rental car after leaving you two this past Monday morning, I was worrying that I was too hard on you both…that I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong…and that I was trying to place MY expectations on you two. I did a lot of praying for you both as I hiked those miles back to the car alone…and I will continue to pray for you. I want you to "Hike Your Own Hike"…but I also want to encourage you to finish what you set out to do: Thru-hike the ENTIRE Appalachian Trail. I know it's hard right now…and it's only going to get harder, but please try and think on these words from Paul found in Philippians 4:12-13:  

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." 

You're going to have days of need…and days of plenty for the duration of your hike, so listen to what Paul writes here; YOU CAN DO ANYTHING through him (Jesus) who will give you the strength. Lean into each other for help and support, but never forget where the strength to do ANYTHING comes from…and ask Jesus for the help you'll need to finish this thing off! 

I love you both.

Dad


Day 86: Peace

Tonight I married off Brandon Joy and Natalie Laband. I also talked a lot about you two. Lots of folks at the wedding were asking about you. Of course, you've been on my mind all day, but sharing parts of your experience...and watching people's reaction...is fun. But deep in my heart today...this is what I've been feeling the most:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

I pray that the peace of God will overwhelm you...that it envelopes you and consumes you beyond anything that you can understand...and that His peace will protect your hearts from any negative thoughts...and give you the mindset that you can do anything!

Love,
Dad


Day 87:  Leap for Joy

My ringer was turned off, so I missed the first call this morning. 

I will be honest with you…when I noticed the buzzing of my phone on the immediate second call...and saw that it was Katie calling…I said a quick prayer. I quickly asked God that the call from Katie would be good news…and that the two of you had been making great headway on the trail…and that you were re-ignited with the drive to tackle your trek to Maine with new vigor.

Mom  and I knew immediately…by the sound of Katie's voice…my bullet prayer was answered. It was SO encouraging to hear that you are both rejuvenated and excited to hike again…and that you have strung a series of 18+ mile hikes in a row since I left you on the the trail this past Monday. As I told you on the phone, Katie…I've been in a funk since leaving you…wondering if you were both going to buckle down and commit to finishing off your goal of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail. Hearing the excitement and joy in your voice gave Mom and I so much peace and joy ourselves.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."  Psalm 28:7   

Our hearts were "leaping for joy" this morning as Katie told of the strength and determination that has consumed you over this last week…and how you have been hiking with new energy and focus! Keep it up! 

Mom and I will continue to trust that God has you in His hands…as your "strength and shield"…and our hearts will "leap for joy" knowing that He is helping you on your journey. 

Please call or text again soon. Your package is on its way to Harpers Ferry.

Love,
Dad


Day 88: Water   

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”  Romans 6:4

The equation is pretty simple and works a couple of different ways: 

1) Water = Life 
2) Water = Death
3) Water = Life & Death 

This weekend was a weekend where water was definitely the emphasis. 

After hearing from Katie how you both have been pushing yourselves on the trail the last few days….and (maybe) not getting enough food and water…it set my mind on this track. I know we already talked about this when we were together last week, but you need to keep yourselves hydrated because:Water = Life.

Tonight, we had our annual staff and families pool party at the Broomfield Bay Water Park. Mom and I went and got to help Ali with Emery and Micah because Ben is down in Durango with the high schoolers at a CIY conference. It's great! Em's a little water bug and near-fearless in the pool. Grampa got to watch over her all of tonight and it brought back memories of playing at the Plano Municipal Pool back in Texas with Katie and Ben when they were little. But at one point tonight, Em didn't want to hold my hand as she waddled across the kiddie pool. The water was up to her belly and right after she let go of my hand…she tipped over face-first into the water. I jumped, quickly snatched her up, and held her as she coughed and spit water all over me. It struck me again how quickly a fun time in the water can turn dangerous and how this can be true: Water = Death

Then, at church all weekend, we held an impromptu baptism weekend. Jim wanted to point people to some solid "next steps" after his message, so we set up one of the inflatable baptism tubs right outside the north doors--just to the right of the steps. I'm always humbled (and blessed) to be part of baptism weekends; looking people in the eye…listening to their confession of faith…speaking back words of truth to them (similar words that have been spoken for centuries). Then, taking them…forcing them back and into the water and under for a moment (a perfect picture of a life surrendered, buried with Christ)…and then, lifting them back up…raising them out of the water…the completed picture of a new life resurrected through Jesus because sometimes: Water = Life & Death.   

Whenever we do baptisms at Flatirons…in those inflatable hot tubs…I will always remember that Sunday…4 years ago…when I got the privilege of baptizing you, Nick. 
One of the best days of my life…marked by death and life and water.  

Love,
Dad


Day 89: There Is a Season 

Katie, one of the last things that we did together before you and Nick took off for Georgia in April was drive down to American Furniture and get the leather sofa for our newly re-vamped upstairs landing. I was going to wait, but you really wanted to see what it would look like before you left. That was 3 days before I dropped you at the airport for your big adventure. It still looks great up there…and it's great to sit in...and think in…and lose yourself in.

The landing's a great place to read and pray and meditate, too. That's what I was doing this morning; sitting in that leather sofa…reading and praying. I really don't know why, but I've been feeling led to read through the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes again…and as I was reading today…I came across this familiar passage in Chapter 3 and thought about you two: 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot...

A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build...

A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing...

A time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away...

A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak…

A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."  (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

When I was a kid…before I knew this was in the Bible…I thought it was just a hippy song by The Byrds ("There is a season turn, turn, turn…"). There's a lot in those few sentences…and in light of all the stuff going on around us today…it's good to be reminded that life has seasons. Everything has a season: life and death…laughing and crying…keeping stuff and throwing stuff away. 

There's a time for everything. For you two…it's a time for walking…a time for separation…a time for growing closer…a time for living out dreams. It's a great time! I hope you're able to really realize it in the here-and-now.    

This is your time! Use it for all it's worth! 

Love,
Dad


Day 90: Mist  

I read Henry David Thoreau's Walden years and years ago…when I was still young and trying to understand what it meant to live life deliberately. I read the quote below in some other book or article and it stirred an interest in reading Thoreau's Walden: 

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." 

And while I may not have lived my life with the same "deliberateness" as Thoreau did…I feel like I've been pretty deliberate…or at least I think I have. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Okay…maybe a couple of things, but nothing wholesale. Now days, most (if not all) of my direction comes from faith-related resources…and today's Bible verse (James 4:14) is no different:

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
That's a good reminder. Life is short. We are all but mist that appear for a few years…then we vanish. 

I think part of your desire to thru-hike the AT comes from this realization...and the desire to live life deliberately, right? To do something crazy and grand before it's too late…because we are all mist…and gone too soon. 

Still, when I really, really think and meditate on this reality…I see that being a mist isn't such a bad thing. All mists are brief and fleeting, but some mists are nourishing. I mean, it's mist and dew that waters most everything on earth. Things would die without mist. 

Mists give life. 

I pray that God presses this into your hearts. And that, while you ARE mist…you can also be life-giving mist…and you can make a difference in others' lives on this journey…before you vanish from the trail. 

Love,
Dad


Day 91: Wanted   

I'm calling it "The Grumpy Old Men Tour".

Bob Tunnell and I have put together another team of men from Flatirons to go over to Afghanistan in the fall. The average age of the 11 men on the team is 56 years old. That puts me under the median! Our youngest is 38 years old and the oldest is 66. Bob said we need to teach the guys how to say, "Get off my lawn!" in Dari. 

We had our initial team meeting tonight. It's always interesting to put the team all in one room for the first time--to see them interact and feel each other out. It's a good team and I'm looking forward to experiencing that part of the world with them. It's interesting. Bob and I chose each of them for the team. We chose them knowing we're going to be stressed and stretched together on this trip. We chose them only after interviewing them and asking a bunch of tough questions--in an effort to gauge their responses…and see if we wanted to spend 12 long days with them. We chose them. 

And I'm thinking about you two. I mean, I know you chose each other (For better…for worse…for richer…for poorer…"), but not every married couple chooses each other with the thoughts of doing what you're both doing right now. I know a lot of couples who…if you asked them if they wanted to spend 5-6 months hiking in the woods together…never leaving each other's side…they'd shoot themselves! I love that you chose to do this together. I love that…when we were together on the trail a couple weeks ago…I could see that you were both as madly in love with each other then as you were when you left in April. That says something! I heard this quote from Rich Mullins in a recording shortly after he died in a car wreck back in 1997: 

"God can use anybody. God used Nebuchadnezzar. God used Judas Iscariot. Its not a big deal to be used by God and the shocking thing in the book of Mark, and the reason why it is so shocking is because Mark is the briefest of all the gospels but he has these terrific little details and one of the little details is that it says, 'and Jesus called to Him those that He wanted.' (Mark 3:13) And you realize that out of the twelve people that He wanted, only one was essential to His goal in coming to earth. The other eleven people were useless to Christ but they were wanted by Christ. And I kind of go, I would much rather have God want me than have God use me." -Rich Mullins  

I love that! And while Bob and I have chosen 9 other men we want to go to Afghanistan with us…and I pray that he'll use us…I'd much rather have God want us than have God use us.

Which is the same thing I'll be praying for you too.     

Love,
Dad


Day 92: Six Years    

Tomorrow is July 3rd. You know what that means, right? Six years ago tomorrow we were all gathered in Johnson City, TN for Ben and Ali's wedding. 

A lot can happen in six years.

Six years ago both of you…and Mom…and I were living in Allen, TX without even a thought of Colorado. 

Six years ago we (The Burgen-Foote Clan) merged together in Tennessee for a wonderful week of pre-wedding arranging and eating and laughing and getting to know each other. 

Six years ago was an almost magical week that culminated in one (of two) of the sweetest weddings I'd ever experienced. (Below) The other one was your wedding on June 8, 2012...in Colorado.


Six years ago we watched Ben and Ali drive off into the dark for their honeymoon and we parted ways with the Burgens. Then, about 9-10 months later…Jim called me and asked if I would interview for the job as Men's Pastor at Flatirons. Two months after that…we packed everything up and moved to Colorado.    

A lot can happen in six years. 

Now, six years later, we're all up here…you two are married…we've got Emery and Micah…and life looks SO much different than it did back in 2009 (Below). Six years isn't that long, yet look at all the changes. Not only does our life look different…the entire world looks different. It's always hard for me to see change while it's happening. I only seem to recognize it in the rearview mirror…which makes me wonder how different life is going to look in six more years. 


Mom and I are going to celebrate Ali and Ben's anniversary by watching Em and Micah while they go out for dinner--and while I thought, and tried to imagine, what being a grandpa was going to be like--I never imagined I was going to love it like I do. The truth is…no matter how hard I try to imagine what the future is going to be like…it never seems to turn out like I thought. It always looks different…and somehow better. I guess because it's real. 

As you two hike your way through the woods of Virginia…I sit here trying to imagine what your life will look like in six years…and no matter what I conjure up…I know (in the end) it will look different…and it will somehow be better…because it will be real. 

I'm looking forward to what the world holds in store for you two in six more years, but right now…it's hard enough just waiting for September 25th…when you finish this amazing journey…and come back home.  

"Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is."  Psalm 39:4

Love,
Dad


Day 93: Peanut    

"I believe that it (America's independence--the 4th of July) will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be celebrated by pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other..."   John Adams
Obviously, John Adams didn't have a dog.

Poor little Peanut is a nervous wreck from all the fireworks going on in the area. I think she has PTSD. She's cowering around the house with her tail between her legs shaking like she's trying to poop peach pits. I thought Jack Russells were supposed to be tough little dogs. 

I know you've had Bailey the black lab on the trail to help you both get your dog fix, but she's no Peanut, is she? I know Peanut's too old to ever do something like a thru-hike, yet in her day…6-8 years ago…she could have done it in a heartbeat! It's too bad. She would have been a great companion for you guys on your journey. 

Ecclesiastes 9-12 isn't about dogs, but sometimes…when I read it…I think about how it could be. King Solomon writes:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

So much of that could easily pertain to a dog, couldn't it? Especially Peanut. Last week at Brandon Joy and Natalie Laband's wedding, Natalie's sister-in-law brought her daughter over to meet me. The little girl was about 4 years old. Her name was Ellie. She was one of the flower girls. Ellie's mom said, "This is Mr. Dan. He's the man who drew all the pictures in your Easter Book." At first, Ellie's shyness kept her from looking at me, but when she learned I drew the Easter Book the church passed out to the kids…her eyes got all big and she whispered something in her mom's ear. Ellie's mom nodded and said, "Yes! He drew Peanut too!" which afforded me a big smile from Ellie. Peanut's a celebrity in Flatirons Kid's Ministry.  

I know you miss her. Just know, that when you get home…Peanut will be more than ready to defend you and keep you warm…but not protect you from fireworks. You're on your own when it comes to those.     

Love,
Dad


Day 94: The Dream of Tomorrow    

We met her on "Hike Naked Day". June 21st, remember? Thank goodness we weren't naked. And, oh my gosh! Thank goodness she wasn't naked! She was a member of the Natural Bridge Appalachian Trail Club--one of the trail maintenance groups. I have a hard time gauging people's age anymore, but she was easily north of 70 years old. She asked for your trail names, but she never gave us hers. Seemed odd. Maybe the trail maintenance crew isn't supposed to give out their names or maybe she was just a little skittish about divulging personal information to strangers. As I told you that day hiking, she reminded me so much of Mrs. Baker, Nana and Papa's neighbor and friend for almost 50 years. 

The trail maintenance lady's soft, heavily accented, voice betrayed her Virginia heritage. I was impressed by her stamina--to be ascending Fork Mountain from the north as we were ascending from the south. She wasn't even out of breath when she asked, "Where ya'll from?" Chatting with her at the crest of that mountain was enlightening--to say the least. After asking each of us our names, where we were from and where we were heading, Nick told her about how you two were thru-hiking north to Maine. "Oh my!" she gushed. "That's something I'd dreamed of doing since I was sixteen years old…and as you can see…that was a long, long time ago. I will forever regret not doing that when I was younger.

I know that hit you even harder than it hit me. That's just the way life is. There are some things we can choose to do or not to do our entire lives…but there are some things (like thru-hiking the AT) that only pass through once-in-a-lifetime. Trail Maintenance Lady is proof. We never got her whole story, but one thing we know for sure: She dreamed of thru-hiking the AT and something happened that closed that window. Given her age…and the culture of her day…she probably met a man, got married, had kids…and watched her dream pass her by. Like Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham says in "Field of Dreams": 

"It was like coming this close to your dreams... and then watch them brush past you like strangers in a crowd."     

That's the way some dreams are; fleeting moments, that when passed on…are gone forever. I know you two recognize the significance of this moment in time…this window of opportunity to fulfill your dream…I just don't want you to lose it. Maybe I'm living a little too much through your journey…maybe I've vicariously implanted myself into your dream. I don't know. All I know for sure is that…whatever tomorrow holds…this summer will never come around again…this open opportunity to take 6 months and hike 2,168.1 miles may NEVER come around again. You could hear it in the Trail Maintenance Lady's voice…and I know you can read it in my words: Carpe Diem! Seize the day! 

All you have is today. And today is where your dream lives. Never, never bank on tomorrow.

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring."   Proverbs 27:1

Love,
Dad


Day 95: A Pile of Goodness     

All hell broke loose starting last night when our air conditioning went out. Mom noticed the house wasn't cooling off about the time the sun starts to set and scorches the front porch for about 2 1/2 hours. We turned off the AC and I replaced the air filter (I need to remember to just put "Replace Air Filter" every other month on my calendar!) and hoped for the best. Last night was bad; all the windows upstairs were open as we tried to stay cool. There was residual firework bursts going off periodically all through the night in the neighborhood…making Peanut a nervous wreck. She was already a mess from the Frederick/Firestone Fireworks Celebration and the neighborhood show only had her shaking and quivering through the night. 

I got up this morning and turned the AC back on. It kicked on and seemed to be cooling. Hopefully it was just a dirty filter and frozen coils that needed to thaw. Then, we got your text:

Hello. I am very sick right now. I woke up with a pounding headache yesterday morning and I had a fever. Then I started puking last night. We are in Shenandoah at Skyland Resort at a super nice cabin because we had no other choice. I had to be in a bathroom last night. Feeling a little better this morning. Still have a fever. I have no idea what it is. It's possibly Noro. Please be praying. Yesterday was the first time I wanted to quit. It is no fun being sick in the woods.

Knowing you had service, Katie, I called. It was really hard hearing about the physical issues you've been dealing with…and your worries about possible Lyme's Disease. We feel so helpless. All we can do is urge you to go to an Urgent Care or Doc-in-a-Box and have someone look you over. After we hung up with you, Mom and I talked and tried NOT to put each other in a deeper funk. We started getting ready for church and I went downstairs to make a little breakfast and went to make coffee. I opened the fridge to grab the eggs and everything was warm. Poop! Was everything that cooled at the house going to break down?!! We shuttled everything we could salvage to the garage fridge…and threw out the rest. Then, we ended up missing church as I researched a bunch of refrigerator troubleshooting websites and worked on the fridge.

Sometimes life sucks, doesn't it? Things break. You get sick…and it seems like everything is going against you. But then…it's never permanent, is it? As I type this, the house is still cooling. About an hour ago Mom even said, "I'm kind of cold." To which I gave her a nasty look. So, the AC is working again. I'm monitoring the fridge, but it seems to be cooling again…although it's empty. And then late this afternoon you shot us this text, Katie:

I'm feeling a lot better. Fever is gone and I haven't thrown up all day. I still just feel very weak and tired. Savage's mom heard that I wasn't feeling well, so she bought us a room at a Best Western so that I can rest today. We are in Luray near the doctor in case I feel bad again and need to go.    

We're still going to worry, but at least we know you're feeling better and you're out of the elements for the night. Please tell Savage to pass along our thanks and gratitude to his mother. Trail magic never ceases to amaze me! Lots of people call it Paying It Forward these days, but I think Jesus said it best in Luke 6:38:

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
The measure you give will be given back to you…a heaping pile of goodness dumped into your lap. We'll probably never know, but I will pray that sometime soon…someone will give back to Savage's mom…a huge pile of goodness that completely blows her away…the way Mom and I were blown away by her goodness towards you. 

Love,
Dad